Think about yourself for once

I think at this point I'm going to stop apologising for the lack of updates/posts on this blog because it's more of a "personal" blog at this point than anything else and there's no point in stressing over things like updates and posts or whatever. 

I wanted to post about doing something for yourself today. If you know me in real life or follow me on social media, you may know that I decided to start a Floristry course! It's been wonderful so far and I've really enjoyed creating things with my hands again (something I haven't really done since high school). But the reason I'm telling you all this is because I decided to do the course for myself. I didn't do it because I want to make a career and be incredibly successful out of it (though, that would be awesome) but simply because I wanted to. 

A quick posy I put together with flowers that I didn't use in class: From my Instagram- @maddiejaydee

Majority of my friends are studying at university, which is awesome and I'm so proud of how well they're all doing, and how hard they're all working, but I know a few who are just at university because their parents want them to be there, or because they think that studying at university is the only way to be successful in this day and age, or because they were pressured into a degree they hate but are too scared to drop out of now (all of which are completely understandable). But it makes me think about life in "the long run". 

Who cares if you're still at university when your twenty-six because you decided to keep dropping and changing your degree? Who cares if you're only a first year at twenty-eight because you had no idea what you wanted to do with your life until now? Who cares if you dropped out of university after one year because it was too stressful? Certainly not me. Sure, people will ridicule you and constantly question you about the choices you've made but in reality, it really doesn't matter because really, it's none of their god-damn business. 

That's what leads me to discuss my floristry course and why I decided to just go ahead and do it. I'd been interested in floristry and flowers for a long time but never thought to really do anything about it. Because I decided not to return to university after my spinal surgery, I took the time to simply work a bit and do my best to recover. It was during this time that I decided it was something I could really enjoy and soon enough I had enrolled. A few people I know questioned whether it was something I could do with the rest of my life and all that jazz, and maybe it's not. But it really doesn't matter. I'm going to be doing something I enjoy. At this moment in time, all I really care about it being the best me I can be (that sounds so cheesy) and doing something for myself. 

I have definitely felt a lot happier doing something I actually enjoy and doing something that will be rewarding for myself rather than for those around me. I'm not trying to tell you to drop everything you're doing and start looking for something else you want to do, I'm just trying to let those of you that are a little confused, lost or scared know that it's okay. You don't have to rush into anything. Take your time figuring it out. You may never find something you want to make a 'career' out of and that too, is okay. It's all okay. Just try to stress less (easier said than done, I know) and take things one step at a time, think about yourself for once and what you would possible like to do.

As per usual, I'm not too sure where this post is headed so I think I'll leave it here. 

Thank you for reading!

Love from Maddie ♡♡♡

A little more about scoliosis (6 month post-op update)

Hello, hello everyone! Long time no post I know, but I'm not feeling all that creative or inspired lately and haven't been able to conjure up enough energy to make a post! Back in December I wrote a post about my scoliosis and the spinal fusion surgery I under went to correct it (you can read A post about Scoliosis here). I thought I would take the time today to write a small update post (more for myself and self-documentation than anything else) but I hope some of you read it all the same. 

My scar as of May 2015

Last Monday (the fourth of May) marked exactly six months since my spinal fusion surgery. As you'll know from my previous post, it was a very risky surgery but I was lucky enough that everything went well (besides a few set backs when we discovered I was allergic to majority of the drugs and pain killers I had to take). 

I'm happy to say that in the five months since my last post I've improved a great deal. In that post I mentioned that I had only been home for two weeks and was struggling to get out of the house. This continued for another four or so weeks and I was terribly bored throughout most of it but two of my lovely friends came to visit me at home a few times and we even managed to go out for lunch or dinner too! I went back to work mid-December (in retail) and managed to deal well with the Christmas crowds and general hussle and bussle of the city during such a busy time. 

By February I was ready to start getting back into the swing of things and started taking 40 minute daily walks. My surgeon told me not to bother with physio (other than what help I received in hospital when learning how to walk again etc.), so I was a little concerned I wasn't doing enough physical activity or rehabilitation. My muscles were constantly sore and I was still almost completely numb on the right side of my torso and back, along with the underside of my right arm.  *Note to my fellow scoliosis sufferers; I doubt this is the same thing every neurosurgeon recommends to their patients so ensure you follow directions given to you by your surgeon and not what you read about other people's experiences on the internet. But as the month wore on I found that a small walk each day was all it was taking for my muscles to adjust to the rods attached to my spine and for the muscle to start building back up. 

I started a new job in March and as I assisted with the opening of a new store I was working full time hours, despite being a casual employee. Whilst I greatly enjoyed working so much and having quite a bit more money than usual I had to ask for my hours to be reduced a little as I couldn't cope with so many hours on my feet. I would return home from work only to find that my back muscles could barley move and the only thing that could help with that was lying down and resting. The rest of the month and April both flew by. It's a little weird being able to physically improve a little bit each and every day but that's exactly what happened! I gradually got a lot more movement in my arms and shoulders as well as my back. Some of the numbness started to go away and now my right arm feels completely normal! 

At the end of April (and the beginning of May) my family and I travelled back home to Tasmania to visit my great-grandmother for her one hundredth birthday! Unfortunately for me, the position of the rods in my spine made it nearly impossible to get even a little bit comfortable when sitting on a plane. The flight to Melbourne wasn't too bad as I was able to recline my seat a bit to accommodate to the fact that my upper body can't 'bend' to fit in the seats but the flight we took from Melbourne to Devonport (thankfully only an hour long flight) was pretty excruciating as the seats were unable to be reclined. I'm a pretty nervous flyer to start with so this really didn't make things any easier for me but as I mentioned, the flight was very short and I was able to stretch my poor back again as soon as we landed. The different temperature down in Tasmania really effected how my back felt too. With the colder weather I could literally feel all the muscles around my rods (including the ones that are still numb) tense and become rigid. Naturally, this was pretty painful but I couldn't do anything about it and it was almost comical how much I felt my muscles relaxing nearly as soon as I made it back to warmer temperatures. 

Updated x-rays I received on the 11th of May 2015. Left; pre spinal-fusion. Right; 6 months post-op

Yesterday (Monday the 11th of May) I finally had the opportunity to have my "six-month" post-op appointment. As I expected, everything went well and we managed to confirm that I grew exactly four and a half centimetres taller after my surgery (I went from 165cm tall to 169.5)! I had a few concerns to ask my surgeon about but he assured me that it was all normal and that I can now start trying to get myself a little fitter by "bulking it up" at the gym (his exact words, it was pretty hilarious). Obviously, my movement is still fairly restricted and I'm going to have to be a lot more careful than I would have in the past but I'm looking forward to finally getting fit again! I also discovered that I shouldn't still be numb on the right side of my torso and back, which is a little concerning but I've been assured it's nothing I should be worrying about just yet. It's normal to still be numb in the middle of my back where my scar is and it's normal the be a little numb on the side you've been 'pulled' across, but as I was 'pulled' back to the left side of my body and not the right it's a little weird.  Never fear, I'm sure it will eventually go away (hopefully)! 

I hope that wasn't too boring to read but it feels good to finally be posting again! If any of you suffer from scoliosis and have any questions about the surgery and all that jazz please feel free to comment below or email me! 

Thank you for reading, love from Maddie (❁˘◡˘❁) 

Fourteen favourite moments from 2014.

Well here we are, more than half way through the first of January 2015. 2014 was definitely the year that went by way too fast. It was a year that for me, brought along a lot of indecision and confusion- but that doesn't mean it was all bad! To start the blog posts for the year I decided to make a little list of fourteen good moments that occurred during 2014- more for myself than anyone else.

1. Getting accepted into university (January 16th)
2. Starting university (March 4th)
3. Turning 18 (2nd of April)
4. Gold Coast Supanova 2014 (April 5th)
5. Short Sydney trip away to meet Benedict Cumberbatch at a Sydney Comic-con event - I wrote a post about this which you can read here (12th and 13th of April)
6. Arctic Monkeys concert! (7th of May)
7. Attended my first uni ball! (7th of June)
8. Sailor Moon Crystal started airing- this was a big moment for me okay? I also wrote a blogpost about my first impressions of SMC which you can read here. (5th of July)
9. Made the decision to put my university studies on hold until I figure out what I actually want to do (July 16th)
10. Splendour in the Grass 2014/ Byron Bay trip! Tayla wrote a post about this which you can read here. (24th-27th July)
11. Attended my second university ball (15th of August)
12. Moved house! (16th of August)
13. Met Orlando Bloom at Brisbane Comic-con- I'm still swooning! (6th of September)
14. Finally had my spinal fusion surgery for my severe scoliosis. I wrote a post all about it which you can read here. (November 4th)

Those were the few 'big' moments that stood out to me this year but I think we should always take time to appreciate the 'little' happy or memorable moments too. I consider myself a reasonably lucky individual when it comes to the support of my family and friends and I'm glad that I've had this year to appreciate my parents, my twin sister and those friends (both old and new) that have stuck with me for the past year (or more). I know a lot of you probably won't read this but I just wanted to say a good ol' thank-you- I am very grateful.

Thank you for reading, I wish you all the best for 2015!
Love from Maddie xo

The best of the bunch in 2014

Today I bring to you a short directory of the five most popular blog posts we've published in the last year! I wanted to thank you all for sticking with us and our inconsistent blog posts and I hope I have the motivation to write a lot more for you all next year. Please feel free to comment with blog post suggestions/recommendations and blog advice, we're more than happy to hear them! 

1. More of my favourite bloggers everyday makeup!

Whilst the first post in what I might eventually make a 'series' of posts was very popular, it was this second post about some of my favourite bloggers and their everyday makeup that takes the cake for most popular blog post in 2014. In this post I chat to Kate Gabrielle from Scathingly Brilliant and Connie Li from Itsconnieyeah about their personal everyday 'looks' and the products they use to achieve them.

Photo supplied by Kate 

♥

2. My favourite bloggers and their everyday makeup

Here we are with the first post about my favourite bloggers and their everyday makeup! Much like the second post, I chatted to two of my beautiful internet friends, Annika from The Pineneedle Collective and Kailey from Mermaidens about their everyday makeup and what they do to achieve their signature looks. 

Photo supplied by Annika ♥

3. General chit-chat and meeting Benedict Cumberbatch

This is definitely one of my personal favourite posts of twenty-fourteen as it holds a special place in my memory and will be something I fondly remember for the rest of my life. Tayla and I were lucky enough to go and meet Benedict Cumberbatch at an OZ Comic-con event and naturally, I had to write a blogpost about the experience, be warned- there is an excess of fan-girling within this post. 

4. A post about scoliosis

Definitely one of the much more 'personal' and emotional posts I've written for the blog within the past year and I'm actually really surprised it was as popular as it turned out to be. Sure, I figured people I personally know may have been a little curious but the response both on the blog and on other social media outlets was overwhelming and greatly appreciated. I'm still in the recovery process after my spinal fusion surgery by the way, but have started getting back to everyday life (finally).

5. Brand Loving: Too Faced Cosmetics

The fifth and final most popular post was written way back in March and continued to be one of the top two popular posts all year until the previous posts mentioned gained popularity. In this post I share my love for Too Faced Cosmetics and a lot of you seemed rather interested in trying out some of the products I mentioned! 

This will probably be my final post for the year! I might post a little 'year in review' post or something similar in the new year but until then- Thank you for reading and sticking with us this year! 

Love from Maddie xo

A post about Scoliosis

I've written, drafted and deleted many versions of this post throughout the past year or so. It never sounded right, wasn't really informative or I was worried how people would receive the post- calling it "attention-seeking" and all that jazz. But I've been pretty much stuck inside for over three weeks now and the boredom has really gotten to me. So here we are, a more personal post on my own experience with severe scoliosis.

My scoliosis in 2013- the only photo I actually have of my back.

*Just a disclaimer*; I wanted to write this post both for myself, as a form of documentation during this time of my life and for those of you who may also be suffering with scoliosis, whether you're considering having surgery or not. Please note that all mentioned within this post has been from my own personal experience (along with my twin sisters) and that I am not a medical professional- please seek help from your GP or spinal specialist. I won't be releasing the names of the various surgeons/specialists mentioned in this post (for security) but please feel free to contact me if you also have scoliosis and have a few questions! This has inevitably turned into a very, very long post so I understand if you can't be bothered reading it! This post also explains my recent absence from the blog.

I guess starting from the beginning would make this all a lot easier... so here we go; Tayla and I were both dancers from the ages of three to fifteen. Because of this, we both had very good posture and it was difficult to determine that there was actually something wrong. One of our ballet teachers noticed that Tayla's hips were slightly out of line. She kept asking Tayla to move her rib cage over slightly but she couldn't and to her, it didn't seem like she was standing towards one side at all. Fast forward a few months and Tayla had started to get quite a bit of lower back pain. She eventually made a trip to the doctor where she was asked to get an array of x-rays done. From these x-rays it was pretty obvious that Tayla had scoliosis in her lower spine. The doctor referred her to a specialist down in a larger city (where we now live) and I was asked to get x-rays done too, (despite having no back pain) because we were twins and scoliosis can sometimes be genetic.

When we eventually had our appointment with the specialist (these surgeons have very full schedules), it was determined that I actually had scoliosis too and that it was quite a lot worse than we expected. Tayla's scoliosis was determined to be severe, with a curve in her lower spine at about 42 degrees (both specialists that I've been to have informed me that 40 degrees or more is severe) but at the moment, her curve is inoperable. Sure, Tayla's back pain could be cured by having surgery, but this would leave her unable to bend and move properly along with a range of issues with her internal organs (as the surgery would have to be done right near a bunch of those). Whilst living with back pain is very undesirable, it's definitely the better option for her right now and she may have the surgery in the future when she's quite a bit older. For now, we just need to keep an eye on her curve to make sure it doesn't dramatically increase in size.

As a dancer, I had noticed that I was very un-flexible in my spine- I was never able to bend all the way over my legs and I just assumed it was because I was un-flexible. Finding out scoliosis was the cause was a weird relief. My biggest curve (at that moment) was about 65 degrees and located right near my lungs (T1-L1). I also had a second, smaller curve of about 15 degrees (not severe) a little lower than the first. This particular surgeon then explained to me that he didn't feel comfortable operating on my spine as it was too large and the placement was too risky. As a fifteen year old who had no idea that I even HAD scoliosis until that very day... I was terrified. He then proceeded to refer me to a new doctor, one he would have his own children go to if they also had scoliosis. Needless to say, we eventually made the trip back down to meet with this second surgeon.

A photo from instagram- my scoliosis is pretty obvious on the left side, July 2014. 

I'm very thankful that my first specialist referred me to my current specialist. Originally, he planned to perform a form of key-hole surgery to reduce the amount of scaring, recovery time and pain (you can read about minimally invasive spine surgery here- though this particular article is not about scoliosis, it's a similar concept) but he soon determined that procedure would be quite risky for me to undertake. After a few more x-rays (seriously, if I got paid each time I had more x-rays I would be a lot better off) and an MRI (which itself was a terrifying experience) it was decided that I would be having traditional spinal fusion surgery (which you can read about here). A traditional spinal fusion basically means that a bunch of metal bars and screws are used to pull the spine straighter before bone is used to fuse everything together. Ideally, I would have had the surgery that year, 2011, but I was a little too frightened and anxious about it.

Three years later I finally decided that it was time for me to fix my spine. The location of my scoliosis had become quite problematic and the curve had increased to about 70 degrees. There was no doubt that the curve would continue to grow, eventually leading to my spine pushing down on my lung, which obviously wouldn't be ideal. I'm actually pretty lucky that I wasn't more 'disfigured'. With the placement and severity of my curve, I should have been a lot more stooped over and twisted, I consider myself very lucky that I was able to go about my every day life with little to no attention being brought to my spine. An appointment with my surgeon was booked and within a few weeks the date was set for the fourth of November 2014.

As I'm sure you can imagine, the lead up to the operation was terrifying. I've never had to stay over night in the hospital and have never had any sort of operation in my entire life. I'm sure you all understand the complications with going through any kind of operation, especially the kind that come along with spinal surgery such as paralysis and blindness but there really wasn't anything I could do about it. Sure, I was constantly reassured by my surgeon, friends and parents but that didn't really stop the fear and there was no way I was going to back away from having the surgery again. That, mixed with the fears of what actually could happen within the operating theatre really got to me. I'm terrified of needles, blood, vomit and have the lowest pain threshold ever, though my surgeon does think I actually had grown immune to my back pain, hence why I didn't feel anything which I guess means I have a high pain threshold... you get the idea. Anyway, the two months that I had to wait for doomsday went by way, way too quickly and before I knew it I was at the hospital the night before surgery not quite sure how to feel. Needless to say, I don't think I managed to get much sleep that night.

I'm not going to lie, I've basically forced myself to forget the day of my surgery because it was all a bit too much for me and was an overall terrifying experience. I remember shaking like a leaf and the various nurses and staff that poked and prodded at me and handed me tissues even though I wasn't aware I was crying. I also remember going into the operating theatre and feeling a little specimen like as an entire team of nurses and staff loomed over me before I started getting upset again and my mum had to calm me down whilst the very kind anaesthetist put me to sleep. Then, as I'm sure you can predict, I woke up with my parents and sister nearby.

The beautiful flowers my lovely twin bought for me the day I got out of ICU

Apparently, I didn't say anything too stupid or embarrassing when waking up (can I get a hell yeah?), despite mentioning my cats a few too many times and pulling stupid faces (I'm forever grateful that electronic devices such as phones and cameras weren't allowed near me). I was told by the ICU doctor that there were no complications with my surgery and I had very minimal blood-loss and the instant relief I felt is indescribable. An x-ray also determined that the curve in my spine has come down to 9 degrees! My surgeon was very pleased with this outcome as we expected he'd only be able to get it down to about 20 degrees! It's also pretty remarkable because most people have a curve of about 10 to 15 degrees, meaning mine is now much smaller than the average persons! That's pretty much as much as I can remember because at this point I was unable to move anything other than my hands and constantly slipped in and out of consciousness. That first night was pretty terrible though. It had become very obvious that I was not reacting well with the drugs I had been given and the reactions included slight paralysis (throughout the night I could not move at all and I was so scared, though constantly reassured that it was expected), vomiting and dizziness.

To give you some perspective, I had two epidurals (very thin, straw-like needles) in my back (connected to a drip), two different drips on the inside of my left elbow (I'm not sure what those were for), one in my left hand and one on the right side of my neck, along with one of those oxygen thingos (which are really, really annoying). I also was taking various tablets every few hours. Whilst I'm not the smallest person on the planet, having that many drugs pumping through my veins really didn't settle well with me. I'm the kind of person that gets sick from taking nurofen, and I was already aware that I was allergic to a drug called amoxil (that was a discovery I made when they attempted to give me the drug back when I broke my right shoulder... oh the memories). What I didn't expect, was to be allergic to the tablets I was taking, along with the numerous different kinds that were pumping through the epidurals. Unfortunately, the epidurals (understandably) had to stay and I was forced to a few days of constant vomiting (nice) and dizziness.

Despite my allergic reaction, I was able to leave ICU the very next day! I was still pretty out of it and couldn't really do much at this point. I was transferred to a wing full of brain and spine patients and I was lucky enough to have some of the kindest nurses I've ever met. The next day I began physiotherapy. It was very difficult. All we managed to do was get me to sit up on the side of the bed which didn't go down to well and I was only sitting up for a few seconds. The next day I managed to sit up a little longer before standing up with the assistance of a frame (and physios, obviously). Then, on Friday the seventh of November, I managed to walk from my bed to the door of my room (still with the frame, there was no way I was willing to let go of that thing). That was the moment I actually decided that yeah, I could do this. I was improving every day and had managed to walk! That was also the day those lovely epidurals were removed, though because the drugs were deep in my system I was still reacting to them. Over the next five days I got better and better at manoeuvring myself around my hospital room and walking along the corridors of the ward.  After what felt like months, but was really only eight days,  I was finally discharged from hospital on Wednesday the twelfth of November.

I've now been home for just over two weeks. Sure, I haven't been able to do much and literally need help doing pretty much anything, but I am improving every day. Just last Saturday, I managed to go to the cinema (though I did have to go to a Gold Class cinema because I can't sit in a normal cinema seat for longer than a few minutes yet) and yesterday I walked around a shopping centre for two hours (with constant breaks, but still!). Those are really the only times I've stepped out of the house as I'm still in a considerable amount of pain and discomfort, but I'm still improving and making my way back to a normal life. I'm still numb on my back and all up one side, have a slight lazy eye (from the drugs in my system) and sleep most of the day, but I know it's all going to get better from here.

That's about it for my post about my scoliosis. Sorry it's taken me so long to write a post but I've only recently been able to sit up long enough to use my laptop! Remember, if you have scoliosis and have any questions please feel free to contact me!
Thank you for reading, love from Maddie xo

Rape Culture // Investigative Journalism

Anneké was just nineteen years old when she first became a victim of sexual violence and rape culture.

A final night out in Thailand to celebrate new friendships and fun rapidly turned into a nightmare; Anneké had been separated from her group at a tourist-populated club when she met two Canadian backpackers.

The men, who at first appeared genuinely friendly, had spiked her drink and insisted they knew where her friends had gone.

As Anneké began following the men throughout the club, towards where she hoped her hostel friends would be, she began to see signs of trouble; the dizziness and faint feelings she was experiencing clued her in on the poison in her drink.

The men were insistent that they were taking Anneké to her friends, but as they climbed the stairs of the club higher and higher and shoved Anneké into an office-like space, she really knew she was in trouble.

"I felt like I was going to collapse as we moved through the club... the two men pushed me into a room and I hit my head on the desk: I got knocked out.

And then I woke up, with one of the guys standing on both of my arms and the other guy was... raping me", says Anneké. 

Women Against Violence Against Women define rape culture as, "the ways in which society blames victims of sexual assault and normalised male sexual violence".

"Rape culture is all around us, including in mainstream media, music, institutions, schools, language, popular culture and religion", says Michelle Dang, a community educator from Brisbane Rape and Incest Survivors Support Centre (BRISSC).

"We know that women are constantly bombarded with message that they are responsible for being assaulted, that they somehow brought it upon themselves, provoked men into assaulting them or should not have placed themselves in a situation where the assault is likely to happen... Women have to constantly monitor what they say and do in rape culture; their freedom is restricted because they know they can be easily shut down and ostracised for speaking up", Michelle says.

Anneké came out of her ordeal with a broken wrist and ribs, and soon realised she was a victim of such culture the following day when she sought help from a doctor at the airport; "When I went to the doctor, he called the Thai police... the police were speaking English very fluently, asking if I had had money stolen or anything of the sort.. when I declined and began telling them about being raped, they pretended they didn't speak English and didn't want to deal with it".

Living Well is an organisation that caters and offers support to men who have become victims of sexual violence; Cate Harvey, a counselor for the organisation urges more communication and discussion about sexual assault and the culture that surrounds the victims. 

Cate argues that this culture needs to be dismantled and that change needs to happen in order for victims of sexual violence to come forward and seek support; "It's really important to have these conversations, and that people converse on a variety of different platforms in a variety of different places; ask questions, approach services and create more awareness of rape culture and sexual violence".

Katrina Weeks, from the Centre Against Sexual Violence (CASV), says that one of the major effect of rape culture is that survivors will often not seek help and that victims often blame themselves; "A myth often portrayed in the media is that only dirty old men who are strangers are the perpetrators; this makes it very hard to make sense of it if the perpetrator is your boyfriend, or a cousin who is 18 years old".

"Rape culture often silences those people who would speak out, it stops people from being good bystanders... Part of the work I do in schools around preventing sexual abuse includes trying to empower men to stand up to abuse when they see it happening", says Katrina. 

Anna is another victim of sexual violence, and can recall moments throughout her childhood where a family member sexually abused her; she became a victim of rape at 18 years old when she went to meet a friend at a local bar.

"I hadn't been drinking as I was planning on driving home and within the hour of meeting him I was gagged and being dragged back to his family home", Anna explains.

"I was completely dehumanised for hours on end by physical, sexual and verbal abuse... I was tied up and he eventually pulled a knife; I thought he was going to stab me, but instead he cut the duct tape and ropes and raped me", she says.

As a result of the abuse Anna has suffered throughout her life, she now endures a plethora of disorders such as DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder), and C-PTSD (Complex-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

"I've had psychologists ask me what I was wearing, and police asked me if I was drunk... as if that excuses how I was treated", says Anna, whose ordeal affects her in every aspect of her everyday life.

Anneké, who is now 20, has received support from her best friend and partner; she still struggles, but is happy at her job as a chef at a popular South Bank bar; "My best friend and boyfriends have been so supportive... there are still days where I'm sad for no reason and it always relates back to that... but I'm coping", she says.

Michelle believes that Australia needs to think more critically about its ideas of gender, gender roles and what masculinity and femininity means in order to dismantle the current existing rape culture, "Challenging this culture can be done through many ways; challenging sexist, misogynist and patriarchal languages and attitudes is important; we need to create an alternative, a culture that is about respect and consent... We need to stop monitoring and controlling how people want to live their lives and we need to collectively take responsibility for looking after each other". 

** This story was undertaken by me as my final piece of assessment for my Investigative Journalism course at uni; I conducted a series of interviews and had to create a data visualisation and write a story on 'Human Tragedy'. 

Wearing what you want

Over the years I've gone through my fair share of 'phases' with fashion and it's equally as amusing as it is horrifying looking back at photos of myself from about five years old to just recently at fifteen or sixteen and thinking 'why on earth did I wear that?'. It's a question I will no doubt be asking myself in the years to come, looking at various photos and memorabilia from now and the years to follow. I consider myself very lucky with the way in which I was able to present myself and my 'fashion sense' (or lack thereof) throughout my life so far, and despite thinking about how weird some of the outfits I've seemingly thrown together in the past are, one thing I have noticed is that I am always wearing what I want, within reason of course. 

Photo taken from my Instagram- @maddiejaydee

As a person that's always worn things I personally like, I never really considered the way in which many people don't actually get to wear what they like simply because they're shy or embarrassed or scared of what others might think. It breaks my heart knowing that when I see a flouncy floral dress I will happily throw it on without a second thought when someone who loves that very same dress won't wear it because it's slightly out of their 'norm', or is worried about they way in which it will be perceived by the people they know- that being their parents, peers, friends, etc. 

Obviously, I have no control over your life or the way in which you choose to present yourself (and no one should be telling you how to dress anyway) but I really want to tell people to wear whatever the hell they feel like wearing, with the exception of particular events such as funerals, weddings, visiting various religious sites, etc. You want to wear that black bra under that sheer top that will more than likely cause old men to glower despite the fact that they have no say in they way you dress? DO IT! You want to wear that beautiful pink dress despite constantly being stereotyped as a 'tomboy'? DO IT! You want to wear teeny tiny booty shorts and an adorable little crop top? DO IT! 

Basically all I'm trying to say is that no matter how scared you may be by people and their ridiculous attitude to the way other people dress, you should wear whatever you want regardless of their reactions. Sure, it may take you months of prancing around in the mirror at home before you actually decide to wear an outfit out, but I can assure you- wearing what you want is very freeing and incredibly satisfying. Gaining confidence to wear what you want will take time but be patient with yourself and one day you will be able to look back and think about how happy you were wearing that outfit (no matter how horrid you think it may be now) or how proud of yourself you are for eventually stepping out of your comfort zone (not that comfort zones are a bad thing, but stepping outside of a comfort zone you've drawn for yourself because of other people's reaction to something as simple as the fabric everyone wears to cover up our bits and pieces really couldn't be a bad thing). 

Of course you may run into horrible people that will mutter various 'degrading' complaints at you, but you can take that all in your stride. Wearing a sheer top with a visible bra underneath is not slutty or disgusting or offensive (what kind of an insult is 'slutty' anyway? Stay away from anyone who participates in 'slut'-shaming, we should all be free to sexually express ourselves), there is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing teeny tiny hot pants and a crop top, there is definitely nothing wrong with wearing a dress on those days when you just want to feel pretty, there is nothing wrong with dressing in a way that 'does not suit' your body type (people's opinion on what suits different body types annoy me to no end) and there is never anything wrong with dressing in a way that is not considered 'normal' for your gender- who cares about gender norms nowadays anyway? 

I doubt this will be all that helpful and I'm sure there are many posts similar to this floating around the internet, but I wanted to express my feelings on the subject of 'fashion policing' and hopefully I've gotten my message across! 

Thank you for reading, love from Maddie xo

p.s, Sorry for the lack of posts recently, Tayla has been incredibly busy and I've been incredibly lazy and uninspired!

Pet Appreciation Post

I don't think either of us has mentioned our three pets here on the blog before but I wanted to write a more 'personal' post (without getting too personal, if you know what I mean) and today seemed like the perfect day to do so! Our pets are very special to me, and before this trio of pets we had grown up with our beloved black labrador, Diesel, whom had to be put down in 2009 due to his old age (20!!) and Mischka, a tortoiselle cat whom also passed away due to old age in 2006 (19!!!). Pets brighten up and make a house a home and I really have learnt to appreciate my pets within the past two years.

The first to be introduced to you today is Penelope (commonly referred to as Penny, Muffin, Fluffy-muff and Mooky... yeah, you get the gist of it). Flash back to 2009, one week before our thirteenth birthday (and coincidently our friend Eloise's birthday) when Tayla and I convinced mum to take us to the pet shop 'just to look'. Mum and I were taken by a fluffy, squished face kitten when Tayla spotted a teeny, tiny ball of white fluff cowering under a hanging cat bed-contraption-thing. When she pointed out this terrified and very unwell kitten to us we all knew there would be no turning away. We had the sales assistant get her out of the huge cage for us (she was shivering and would barley move- she was so frightened) when she explained to us that this particular kitten was to be taken to the pound the very next day because no one wanted to buy her as she had been there for two weeks already. We managed to convince mum to buy her as a birthday gift for the two of us (though she really didn't need much convincing) and we took her home that afternoon. Penny had a habit of hiding under and behind the washing machine, along with pulling her face away whenever we got too close (we believe the people that sold her to the pet shop had hit her and cut her whiskers as they were way too short for her face when we bought her) and she hated when we watched her eat, but she slowly began to open up and trust us each and every day. Penny is a  Siamese and Ragdoll cross (when she was a kitten she had HUGE ears.. the siamese in her was very noticeable) and we love her to bits! She loves being flopped over your shoulder for a snuggle, head-butting everything (seriously she will not stop) and rolling, stretching and wiggling all over the ground. Penny is definitely the most photogenic and cuddly of our pets and is constantly on my instagram. 

Next up is our little man, Jett. Jett became a big part of our little family in May 2010. Tayla and I were walking home from the bus stop after school one day when we arrived at our driveway to find mum standing there holding her neck. Naturally, we thought something was wrong and rushed up the driveway only to be shocked by a little black fluff ball clinging onto her chest. Apparently, she had gone to the pet shop (the same store we got Penny from- I know more animals need to be adopted from pounds and rescued but these two kitties could not be left there) to buy food for Penny and when she walked past the cat cage this little guy squeaked at her so she kneeled down to have a closer look at him. Then the sales assistant (coincidently the same one that sold Penny to us) opened the door to get another cat out for a different customer so Jett decided to jump out and attach himself to mum, and that was that, there was no way Jett was going to let my mum go home without him... it was love at first sight! Jett is just a regular moggie but has grown to into a huge cat! He towers over Penny (who is rather small) and his legs are long, lean and very strong. He can't meow properly (something various vet's have said not to worry about) but he squeaks, squeals, screams and cries so he's definitely not mute. Jett loves food, a good chin rub and will bite anything that annoys him in the slightest.

Last but certainly not least is this adorable ray of sunshine, Gypsy. After we had to put Diesel down in mid 2009, we wanted to wait a little while before getting a new puppy or dog, despite all of us missing the presence of a loving dog. Our vet knew how we felt and one morning mum called them to ask for their recommendations on where the best places to buy or rescue dogs were. Next thing we knew, we were driving over to the clinic as a completely random, un-micro-chipped dog had turned up at the clinic, helped herself inside (automatic doors) and sat patiently in the reception room waiting to be noticed. As I'm sure you've guessed, that was Gypsy and it was difficult to resist her huge smily face (she literally smiles all the time, it's so adorable) and we took her home later that afternoon. The vets think she was about a year old when we got her and she had been looked after until she either escaped (something she has done many times since we've owned her- she loves exploring!) or her owners had let her out because they possibly couldn't afford to look after her anymore. Whilst we can't really guarantee it, many vets have agreed that Gypsy is definitely a Husky cross breed and most agree that she has many similarities to a Greyhound (body shape, personality) so we just call her a Husky/Greyhound cross. She is a very active dog and the picture below is literally the only one I have of her where she's not moving around! She loves to run, have a tummy rub and nose scratches (the only time she will sit still)! 

That's a wrap for our little trio! I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks for reading, love from Maddie xo

Lauren Carney (DizzyLittleDotty) Comission

You may have noticed a small (but very noticeable) change to our blog layout recently! I had the pleasure of inserting the commission the beautiful Lauren Carney created for us and I love it! Unfortunately, I'm pretty bad at code/html stuff but I think this portrait makes our blog a lot more 'professional' and a lot more appealing! We've mentioned my favorite polly-pocket sized creative lady on the blog before (you can read the post Tayla wrote over here) but I thought this comission also deserved a mention!

A few weeks back we asked Lauren if she would be able to draw a portrait of the two of us (and our cats, Penny and Jett, of course) as I had been wanting one done for many years (since I first discovered Lauren's art... three years ago!) but never had the chance or money. She stepped right up to the challenge and created this simply adorable portrait and I couldn't thank her enough! I think she captured the differences between Tayla and I perfectly and she even thought to include some super cute Sailor Moon brooches and makeup so we could make use of the portrait on the blog!

If you're at all interested in purchasing some of Lauren's amazing prints or want a commission for yourself, check out Lauren's contact details:

Instagram / Facebook / Blogspot / Website / Dizzy Little Dotty- the label (clothing) / Etsy (art)

Just a short post for today and sorry for not posting over the past week and a bit! We've just moved houses (we're now a lot closer to the city...yaaay!) and have had a huge mess to clean up, along with no internet- the horror! Thank you all for being patient and thank you again for reading! Love from Maddie xo

Goggles.

I have glasses and I hate them. I got my first pair of specs or "goggles" as I call them when I was in grade 6. For seven years I have struggled with my need for vision and my hatred for glasses. 

Lots of people ask, "why do you hate glasses?" and the plain and simple the truth is that I'm lazy. I hate carrying them around in my bag and I hate cleaning them and having to put them on.

When my eye sight started getting a little fuzzy around the edges all those years ago, I was provided with these absolutely horrendous blue wiry frames with lenses that enabled me to read properly. Now, I was a pretty athletic kid when I got them (what the hell happened there!?) and I despised wearing them... eventually mum got tired of battering me about them until I started getting some pretty intense headaches whenever I was't wearing them whilst reading. 

When we first moved to Mackay I again, was fitted for a new pair of frames and prescription lenses: pretty standard as over time your face shape changes and so does the prescription your eyes need. I actually loved these frames; they were a slim, slick purple plastic with blue and green detailing on the sides. They really suited my face shape and made me appear quite 'grown-up'. Quite sooner than expected this prescription wasn't quite working for me so back to the optometrist I went. 

My next pair of glasses were what I thought were the coolest most rad and hip pair of frames that were ever made. Looking back I really regret my decision to purchase bright purple ray-bans. Mum tried to talk me out of them and I wish I listened... they did not suit my face shape nor were they comfortable. The lenses in these frames were called "access" lenses. I'd have preferred to keep my original slim purple frames but unfortunately, I need to have a bigger frame to accommodate for the access lenses. Basically it meant there was a different prescription up the top of the glasses than to the bottom; which meant the upper lense made it clear to view boards at school whereas the lower lense made it easier for reading. Funnily enough these are the type of glasses that old people wear; yup, 15 year old Tayla was wearing old people lenses. The school I went to was full of "can I try them on?" type of kids and another fault in my purple spectacles was that so many people tried them on till eventually they didn't fit my face properly. Not to names names but one kid I remember had quite a large head in comparison to mine and he constantly badgered me so he could wear them: NOT cool. 

When I moved to Brisbane and my eyes started getting fuzzy, strained and tired even when I was wearing my glasses we knew it was time for a new prescription. We went to a new optometrist and he was excellent at explaining what was going on with my eyes. He explained I have a stigmatism which means my eyes aren't the usual shape, and that I was both long sighted and short sighted. Lots of people are, but it's hard to create the 'perfect' prescription to cater for both. The reason I had access lenses beforehand was to cater for this issue but I really didn't enjoy the 'gradient' effect of the prescription so we decided to stick to a distance lense that would help me in classes and on the computer. I got them fitted to a brand new frame and this time I listened to mum and went with a smaller, square framed tortoise shell print ray-ban. I loved these glasses and they were great for about 12 months until I started uni and my eyesight deteriorated again. 

So this year I started uni and was wearing my glasses a lot more than I was used to. I started getting headaches and strained eyes as soon as I tried to read something with my glasses on and after a few weeks of nothing improving we headed back to the optometrist. Again, he explained what was going on with my eyes and they were basically deteriorating as all peoples eyesight does. We discussed my options in length and I was provided with the opportunity to again, have the access lenses and give them another go or to have two pairs of glasses: one for reading and the computer and one pair for driving and lecture theatres. Due to the headaches I got previously from my access frames me and mum decided we'd try having two pairs. I am sticking with my beloved tortoise shell ray-bans and they have been fitted with new lenses for distance; these are the pair I will be wearing most often whilst I'm driving and at uni. The second pair, a new pair that are black and slightly rounder than my ray-bans are my reading glasses. I am surprisingly happy with how they look on me and am absolutely amazed at the sharpness of words and peoples faces when I put them on. In order to counteract the fast deterioration of my eyesight I am going to do my best to wear my glasses more often; no more being lazy, no more whinging... I only have one pair of eyes after all! So there we have it; my new glasses and my spectacle history. 

Do any of you guys wear glasses or have the same laziness issues as I do? What do you think of my new spectacles?

Hope everything is going well!

Love from Tayla xx

An adventure in baking with Butter Baked Goods

Cooking is not my strong point. I'm the girl that can barley make my own two minute noodles without some sort of catastrophe occurring in the kitchen, though I admittedly have a knack for making the perfect toasted cheese sandwich and bruschetta with turkish bread, which don't really require that much cooking to begin with. As a great lover of all things sweet, I've wanted to learn how to bake for many years, but never had the time or resources (incredibly small kitchen etc.) to bake to my hearts content. 

Photo from my Instagram: @maddiejaydee

I have recently dropped out of uni (for now anyway) and I have a lot more time on my hands to fill so what better to do with my time than learning a new skill? I was out furniture shopping/browsing with my mum recently (we're moving into a new house in less than two weeks!) when I stumbled across this lovely recipe book that was hidden within a bunch of interior decorating and vintage coffee table books. As I have come to expect of myself, I was instantly in love with the gorgeous photography and beautiful pastel colours used on the cover before I even really took notice that this was a recipe book. This gem isn't any old cook book, this is written by interior designer turned baker, Rosie Daykin, who has her very own (and very successful) bakery and cafe, Butter Baked Goods.

This recipe book is filled with Rosie's favorites from her "pink and pistachio slice of heaven" and will have you drooling over each and every page. The recipes seem easy enough to follow and the photography that accompanies each page really is exquisite. I'm really looking forward to attempting  to recreate some of these recipes. I promise I'll keep you up to date!

Just a short, simple post for today! Thank you for reading, love as always, from Maddie xo

My favorite bloggers and their everyday makeup

So I've only been blogging for about a year and a half now but reading blogs is something I have done for years. I'm really excited that two of my all time favorite bloggers agreed to participate and help me out with this post, which is all about my favorite bloggers and their everyday makeup! I want to thank these lovely ladies for helping me out with this post and allowing me to use some of their photos and information. I apologise if this is a rather long post, in the future I may make this kind of thing a series of posts instead!

Annika/ 22/ Australian university student & fashion blogger at The Pineneedle Collective

Photo Credit: Donut we all?

The Pineneedle Collective is one blog that I have been continuously reading over the years and Annika's makeup is always flawless in literally every photo. Annika is currently studying a bachelor of science in Sydney and has a passion for dressing exactly how she wants to dress- her blog is "a great mash-up of those two worlds". Annika describes her everyday look as an "almost-but-not-quite-50s-pin-up-look (just subtler)" and I think that small sentence perfectly describes her pin up inspired makeup!

A sneaky peek into Annika's makeup bag- the perfect OP-shop find!

Annika's everyday makeup routine:

1. Annika begins her makeup routine by moisturising her face with a sorbolene-based moisturiser.

2. She then primes her face with whatever she can pick up from the chemist- she is currently using Prime Magic's Camera Ready primer. 

3. She then conceals using Maybelline's Fit Me concealer in the shade #120 and finishes off her base with Maybelline's Fit Me foundation in the same shade. 

4. Annika will then use a Junjian Cosmetic Co. eyeliner (from Chinatown) to create a fierce cat-eye, she likes to use eyeliners that are very pigmented with a stiff brush!

5. We can't forget the mascara! Annika uses the Maybelline Volum' Express: The collosal cat eyes mascara.

6. To finish things off Annika usually wears one of the Lime Crime Velvetines in either Red Velvet or Wicked.

Photo Credit: A Picnic in my Backyard & Spellbound by Space

Kailey/ 20/ Ice-cream enthusiast, illustrator & personal style blogger at Mermaidens

I'm sure most of you have heard of Kailey's personal style blog, Mermaidens, by now. If you haven't you should head on over right after you read this post and I guarantee you will be sucked into Kailey's whimsical personal style and beauty posts in an instant! I've been a reader of Mermaidens for just over a year and half now after I discovered it when we bonded over our love for the Too Faced Perfect Flush Blush on one of my Instagram posts (Instagram has introduced me to so many amazing bloggers and artists, it's ridiculous!)

This is what Kailey had to say about her everyday makeup look; "My everyday makeup generally centers around concealing under eye bags, using bb cream to even out my skin tone, and waking up the eyes with mascara and eyeliner. I genuinely never get sick of cat eye flicks and think it looks good on everybody! I also really, really adore lipstick - I think it's really transformative and I love the "art" of applying it. For a long time, bright reds, corals and purples were my go-to lip colours- but lately I've been gravitating towards peachy, softer lipsticks for a subtler look that just so happens to match my hair…! <3 (plus I'm in love with the smell of this one by Topshop! It reminds me of those soaps for kids that had toys suspended in them for some reason?!)"

Some of Kailey's everyday makeup items via Instagram

Products Kailey uses for her everyday makeup routine (in order of application):
1. ELF lip plumper and primer
2. EOS lip balm in Summer Fruit
3. Laura Mercier Undercover pot concealer
4. Benefit Porefessional primer
5. Maybelline Dream Fresh BB Cream
6. Too Faced Perfect Flush Blush in Candy Glow
7. Benefit High Beam highlighter
8. Laura Mercier Eyebrow pencil in Blonde
9. Chanel Blanc Eyeliner
10. NYX Liquid Eyeliner
11. Tarina Tarantino Glitter Eyeliner in Glitter Mist
12. Covergirl Bombshell Volume Mascara
13. Topshop Whimsical Lipstick (Kailey is pictured wearing this above) or MAC's Ruby Woo lipstick (Kailey often wears red lipstick and Ruby Woo is her favorite!)

Photo Credit: #ShareACoke

Now that we've had a little snoop at what Annika and Kailey use to achieve their flawless everyday makeup looks, I just wanted to thank them both again for participating and helping me out with this post. I wanted to post something a little different to the usual posts you'd find on here and I can't thank Annika and Kailey enough for helping me create this (hopefully) amazing post!

Thank you all for reading and a huge thank you to Annika and Kailey!
Love from Maddie xo