I feel like I’ve missed out on the whirlwind that is teenage hood. I’ve missed out on the sneaking out, the late night drives, the drinking and the fun. I’m almost an adult and I’ve missed my chance.
I’ve missed my chance to see candy floss sunsets from a mates car, I’ve missed the chance to sing and dance and yell at the top of a building, dancing in the rain, building forts, running through a storm, I’ve missed my chance to kiss and hug and I’ve missed the chance to live and love and regret.
I just feel like some thing is missing; like I’ve missed out on the whimsical tale that is supposed to be told throughout your high school career. It’s come and gone and I have very few memories of being a teenager, and to me that’s very very sad.
I didn’t get on the roller coaster to fun, instead I was too serious about everything to even remotely think about the memories that could have been made. We’ve moved a lot, I’ve made friends, some hang around, some don’t and a lot of people in general don’t like me and maybe that scared me from being myself and letting go; but who really knows what my reasons for never having fun were.
It upsets me to say that I was almost afraid to have fun and let go. Worried what my peers and parents would think, worried I’d do something stupid or say the wrong thing, anxious over silly, minuscule problems that I spent nights laying in bed musing over.
Instead of laying in the sun atop dead grass, listening to killer music, laughing with a group of pals and watching stars illuminate the sky I stayed home and fretted over grades and life and adulthood. Now adulthood is around the corner and I want to take it all back and re-do.
Don’t get me wrong, I am proud of my grades and the hard work I put in to achieve my results; I just wish I had learned some form of balance. I wish I’d met people who inspired me to live my life, in all its magic whilst still doing well at school, because school really isn’t everything. I always knew that, but now it seems more relevant. I just want those teenage memories that a lot of people gush over. Stories of adventures to abandoned places, tales of adrenaline, talks of love and life and loss that I didn’t really experience.
I wish I’d gone on a road trip with people I barely knew and come to know them, after late night drives turn into late night conversations about the deepest and darkest and lightest parts of our minds. I wish I’d gotten to know the musky smells of someones car, and I’d taken pictures from beautiful lookouts and beaches and bays. I wish I’d appreciated the beautiful serenity of the world we live in instead of focusing on work and school and the “real world”, because the real world sucks ass and as much as it’s important to do the right thing in this world, it’s important to live too.
I turn 18 in a few days: I have two more years till I am no longer considered a teenager. It’s time to start living, making memories and seeing magic happen. It’s time to let go; meet new people, experience new things, stop crying, stop thinking, stop fretting. It’s time to figure what makes me tick, what makes me get up in the morning and what makes me smile before I go to sleep. I’m not saying goodbye to the real world; all I plan to do is start making memories - finding a balance.