Hey guys, Maddie here! This post is going to my University Feels chapter 2. You can read my first university post here.
I've only been at university for just over two weeks but I'm already feeling stressed, confused, lost and a little crazy (well more than usual anyway). I've been thinking for the past few days about university and all the wonderful opportunities everyone can gain from attending and all the 'life-long' friends you are supposedly going to make during your time there but what if it's just not for me?
As a student that isn't sure what I'm going to do with my life (I'm only seventeen, we shouldn't have to make these decisions now!) I'm not really coping with majority of the people in my courses knowing exactly what they want to do and how they are going to go about becoming successful in their chosen career path. I feel very left behind and I know it's a silly thing to get all emotional over but it's just how I feel. I realise many people my age and older must feel like this and I'm stressing over how they're dealing with it and how I should deal with it which is ridiculous because I've already got enough to stress about! What if I end up deciding to do something that I hate? What if become part of the statistics and live an average, non-exciting life? What if I have a desk job that I hate, working with people that I hate for a company that I hate? These thoughts are constantly swirling through my head and it's getting incredibly annoying! I also can't imagine myself doing anything particularly exciting. My hobbies aren't exactly something you can build a career out of (unless you are incredibly talented and very, very lucky) so I can't even use those to help me choose a path to take in life.
Along with this, I'm also having trouble making friends at university. I knew it was going to be difficult, if the past two years of my life had been any indication, but a lot of people in my courses already know each other or have met their friends mutual friends when they have classes or tutorials together. It's all quite lonely (not just for me though, I'm sure).
My laziness is also becoming a very apparent problem since starting university. I only seem to do the required work for my courses and I won't bother doing any extra work or making something perfect like I would have during high school. I'm terrible at managing my own time and can't get myself motivated to do any work. I think the only way to start motivating myself is to tell myself that I only have to do this course for one year or that after one year I can finally have my scoliosis surgery or I can change my course if I'm still not enjoying myself or that I can leave university and try something else out if I really want to.
Which leads me onto my next point. University isn't not the be all and end all, though many people are not aware of this. My first high school basically told me that the only way to be successful after school is to get an OP and graduate from uni. My second high school told me otherwise. You can do so much without going to university and no one is actually going to look down on you or judge you if you don't go. Obviously, there are a lot of career paths that require you to complete university but there are still so many things a person can do with their life that don't require you to graduate. University is not for everyone, some know this before even having to attend and others find out along the way, but hopefully we will find out eventually.
All in all I just wanted this post to be a sort of venting post for me. I'm sure it doesn't make much sense but I'm quite certain many of you will be able to relate to me and how I feel right now.
Thanks for reading!
Love from Maddie xx