We’ve all said things we regret. Those little white lies, usually told to spare someone else hurt or sadness that seem harmless at the time but irrevocably have an effect on someone eventually. Unfortunately, quite often people say things without thinking of the consequences, or the weight their words can have.
Some might say it is naive to trust a youth when they tell you they care about you. When someone you enjoy the company of tells you they want you in their life in some form, you can’t help but feel wanted, respected and happy. As pathetic as it seems now, at the time, they were the words I so desperately yearned to hear, and if I’m honest, I still do. Sadly, I am someone who takes words seriously. I receive a text or phone call or in a conversation and I 100% believe that I am cared for… until, a few days later, avoided, ignored and alone I am once again.
How is it that mere words, can mean so much?
Honestly, I am someone who is too emotional. I tell people how I feel far too often, and far too copiously. Although I am honest with my words, this onslaught of emotion I pour out can sometimes leave people distancing themselves from me. It is one of my flaws, and it's something I am working on. I am someone, who is truthful with words, but says too much. Unlike the above mentioned person, I stick by my communications to others: I say what I mean, and how I feel always, even if I say too much or I don’t say it the “right” way, at least it’s out there. I am a big believer in being honest with your feelings; keeping them bottled up can be detrimental in so many ways, but it’s gotten to the point where my feelings are skimmed over due to them being stated far too often.
How can pull myself out of this pool of words? I am an over-thinker, I lay in bed at night going over the things I’ve said, what I should’ve said, and how it usually didn’t have the desired effect. People say to “just don’t think”, but how is it even possible to just switch your brain off and not listen to what your head and heart are battling over.
I know a large number of people who have been capable in ignoring, moving on and getting past issues but it seems the more I try, the more I dig myself deeper into the abyss that is my emotions. Some days I wake up, meekly pulling myself from my abyss, apologising for my overreaction and excess emotions, but why should I have to apologise? I’m saying how I feel, and I’m being honest. Why can’t we live in a world where honesty is weighted higher than ignorance? Why should anyone have to apologise for how they make sense of their emotions? For some it’s easier to bottle it up, but for me, and countless others, the onset of emotion is uncontrollable and needs to be written, spoken or expressed. We should not be criticised as “drama queens” for simply communicating emotions and feelings, however drastic they may be.
Ironically, I am studying Communication at uni, and although I’ve only had one lecture so far this semester, I have come across a few interesting points in one of my textbooks. Firstly, it is not uncommon to be in a “feeling of stuck”, i.e. being so caught up in a mix of emotions and words, making it hard to communicate intention and meaning. I think we’ve all experienced that awful sense of “I know how I feel but how do I say it”, and it’s nice to know that even professionals acknowledge and struggle with this feelings. Secondly, “words create possibility” and “words aren’t interchangeable and they do matter”. HA! So I am not alone in the thought that words are permanent, and they do hold some value. It’s amazing how I have tried writing this post, explaining those two small statements, yet the authors of this textbook can summarise my point into ten words. Maybe they do not put as much emphasis as what I’m trying to create, but for me, those ten words mean a lot; professional communicators know the value of words, the value of opinion and how we can communicate them.
As I go on through this textbook, I’ll probably be faced with various techniques that would enable me to express myself a little more fairly and clearly, and I’m hoping I will find this beneficial to me and my “teenage girl” emotions.
My point of this blog post is to stress the importance and value of words. Do not say or write something to someone you don’t mean, you will have to face the wrath of their emotions and the consequences. Do not lead someone on with a colourful arrangement of 26 letters, and please know that words can save or break something. And sometimes a lack of words hurts more than an onslaught of them. Be careful with intent, and meaning, funnily enough someone might take that “you mean a lot to me”, or, “I hate you” seriously. Often it’s hard or impossible to take back how you communicate with words. “Action speaks louder than words”, maybe so, but words enable action, enable change and create possibility.
Hope you're all well,
love from Tayla xx
P.S: The textbook I am referring to is titled "Communication: A Critical/Cultural Introduction" and is the second edition. The authors are Fasset, John T Warren, and Dea. The quotes and points I have made in regards to this textbook can all be found in Chapter one across pages 1 to 17. If you want more info, feel free to ask or you can find out more here: http://www.coop.com.au/bookshop/action/DataSubjSelect?_ACTION_=COURSE&inst_id=107&sem_id=141&subj_id=COMU1010